WHY A MAN DOES NOT WRITE: SIMPLE ANSWERS TO A COMPLEX QUESTION

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If we lived in an ideal world, I would not write an article on the topic: “Why does a man not write?” It would be enough to simply say: “There are no obstacles for a man who needs you. Even if you and him are at a distance of 5000 km, even if there are different time zones between you, if a man wants to write you a message, he will definitely write.

But you must admit, real life bears little resemblance to the script of a Hollywood film about love. Moreover, in life, as in relationships, unforeseen circumstances happen that cannot be changed or controlled. Therefore, before answering the question “Why did the man stop communicating?”, You need to understand the original reason. What are we going to do today.

Today you will get answers to the following questions:

  • The main reasons why he does not write
  • “He doesn’t write and I don’t write.” Do I need to text a man first?
  • Stopped texting right after sex. What does it mean?
  • If a man does not respond to your messages, does this mean that he is manipulating you?
  • What to do if he disappeared from the radar? Should I write to a man if he does not show interest?
  • How do you know if he likes you or is he just killing time?

I have repeatedly said that I am not a fan of lengthy correspondence, because I believe that the purpose of any dating site or communication in a messenger is a personal meeting. But sometimes it also happens that communication over the Internet is the only possible way to keep in touch. For example, as now, during the period of self-isolation, when everyone is sitting at home and not going anywhere.


What could be the main reasons why a guy stopped writing? First, we need to figure it out with you, and who is this guy for you, and under what circumstances did the correspondence end?

  • He’s just a friend”.
  • You had a date.
  • He stopped writing to me after the first sex.
  • A man does not write after a quarrel.
  • You like him a lot, it seems to you that he likes you too, but for some reason he does not write to you and is not active.
  • You think that you have a relationship, but so far only by correspondence.
  • You have a real relationship, but he stopped texting you first.


Doesn’t text after sex


One of the most painful situations for a woman is when a man does not write after sex. Unfortunately, this happens. I often hear girls asking why this is happening and what to do about it. Before intimacy, he bombarded with messages, insisted on dates, was very active and interested. Of course, the girl likes all this, she opens the “gates of love” to the man, trusts him with the most intimate, they enjoy the process together, and after that the man’s energy in relation to the woman declines. What could be the reasons for this?

Why doesn’t he write after the first “date with the sequel”:
He didn’t have serious intentions from the beginning. And either he initially did not make any promises to the girl, or, on the contrary, he talked enthusiastically about love, relationships and your joint children in order to show his serious intentions. Men of the second type “merge” as soon as they get what they want.
Does a man not write or call after sex? Perhaps he is married or in a relationship with another woman, but for obvious reasons he did not tell you about it.
But there is another option, which also has a place to be. The man didn’t like something during intimacy, you didn’t fit together, and he has no desire to continue communication.

By the way, the situation can develop exactly the opposite. If, after the first intimacy, a man continues to actively communicate with you, this, on the one hand, is good. But on the other hand, it may well be that he really liked sex and wants to continue.


What to do if he does not write after sex? Is it worth it to immediately conclude that he did not like you or that he is a womanizer / pervert / married deceiver, and blacklist his number? You shouldn’t think about it. Take one more step towards the man and see what happens next.

Send him a message saying, “You know, I had such a great time yesterday!”, “It was cool,” or just “How are you?” Do not be afraid to become the initiator of further communication. Show him your openness and interest in continuing the dialogue. Just don’t confuse: initiating communication and seeking a man are two different things.


What do most girls do if a man doesn’t text after sex?


The guy does not write 2 days after intimacy – she is in a stupor. He sits, waits for a while, goes through the options, why this happened, blames himself for everything. On the third day, she gets depressed, blacklists the guy and goes to drink wine with her girlfriends.

What is the guy doing at this time? Not the one who is married / womanizer / pervert, but a normal ordinary guy. He doubts. Understand, please, men are people too and may doubt themselves whether you felt good with him, whether you liked everything. Especially if during intimacy he saw the emotion of discontent on your face. Anything can happen, so you don’t need to think that after the first sex with a new partner all men come out with the words: “What an alpha I am, how I pleased her!”


That’s why I advise you to just write to him. Do not call, do not record dozens of audio messages for him. And just write. Ask how things are, how is the day, and listen to what the man answers. You just write a message and look at his reaction.


If he freezes and does not answer – draw conclusions. Further, the choice is yours, what to do with such a man: harass him with SMS, call, find out why he is silent. Or not. Or let go of the situation and analyze which of the above types snuck into your bed.


He replied, what then?


Pay attention to how he answered you. If dry and in fact, as in the reference: “And I liked it. I’m on my way to work” – and nothing else, you can take a maximum of one more step after a day or two. If you get a similar answer without any questions in your direction, just forget it. You don’t need to conquer it.


Important! If a man is silent and does not write and you feel that every day you become the initiator of your communication, do not tear your soul. Don’t destroy yourself. I beg you, do not draw false conclusions about yourself: “There is something wrong with me. I’m not like that.”
Yes, maybe you are not perfect in sex. Everything can be. But even if that’s the case, there’s nothing wrong with that. Sexual skills can be developed, there are paid and free courses for this. But in no case do not destroy yourself morally. I do not believe that one bad sex date should be a reason to lower self-esteem.

If the person doesn’t text first, don’t ask them these “weird” questions:

  • Is that all you needed?
  • Do you have plans for me? Or was it just sex?
  • Who am I to you?
  • You are married? Did you lie to me?


Such pretentious and provocative phrases are ineffective, and I strongly advise against using them in such situations.


The man is not responding to your messages. Manipulation?


If a man is often “out of reach”, he appears and disappears, and your message can hang in the “unread” for hours – you ironed the veil too early.


My dear, if you see that he is online all day, but does not find time to answer your SMS, and when he answers, he refers to his employment, “problems at work, business affairs” – accept: he just not interested in this correspondence.


Yes, there are men who are really super busy, but at the same time they will still strive for interaction, because they feel good with you, they are interested. But if for two months he sees you once a week, then it is unlikely that he really wants to devote time to you.


Either he is married or in other relationships, or this format is simply convenient for a man. You don’t have to imagine what will happen next. Will not. He won’t “clean up his problems,” he won’t “fix things in business,” and he won’t devote more time to you.


Carefully! pickup artist

There is another type – a manipulator. He writes, he does not write. He calls, then disappears for a few days. Familiar demeanor? Then be careful – in front of you is an immature man, a pick-up artist who uses the classic “Closer-Further” manipulation technique. Today he is attentive and good, and tomorrow he is aloof, dryly responding to your messages or not responding at all.

This is a kind of game that affects you and your emotional state. And if you yourself are still an immature person who is led to this kind of provocation, then in such a dynamic relationship you risk becoming emotionally dependent on this person.

I’ll tell you a secret: most people are psychologically immature, because we were not taught this maturity either at school or at the institute. But it’s definitely not about you. At least because you are here, you are developing yourself, reading this article and trying to understand male psychology.

I do not advise getting involved with manipulators: it does not lead to anything good. Because a man is not sure of himself in the present, he is forced to play a role, to form a certain image in order to be loved. Because he has the belief, “If I’m real, I’ll get hurt!” And he will inflict this pain on you, play with your feelings, make you invest your emotions, energy and time in a hopeless relationship.

A man does not write first, but always answers


Often in my analysis on Instagram, I hear questions from girls of the following nature: “Yaroslav, what should I do? He doesn’t text me first anymore! But when I take the initiative, write to him or call him, he always answers with pleasure!” The puzzle doesn’t fit, does it? After all, if this woman was not interesting at all to a man, he would not even read her messages.


Understand, there are men who are comfortable with a woman in this context. He is not ready for anything more, he cannot offer you anything. And if it suits you to be the endless initiator of your communication, everything is ok. But I think this is unlikely to suit a normal girl.

There may also be an element of politeness and good manners. How a well-mannered man thinks: “Well, a girl writes to me, how not to answer her? She’s a good person, she didn’t do anything bad to me, so I won’t ignore her?” And he answers for the sake of decency.


This may well be the case, too, so in order to analyze who you are dealing with – a polite guy or a person who is interested in you, review the correspondence with him. Pay attention if his text in it is 20%, and all other messages from you are already skewed.


This does not mean that you need to measure with a ruler so that it is 50/50. For example, if the proportion of your communication is 60/40, this is normal and you have nothing to worry about. But if you feel that the initiative comes only from you, admit that you are knocking on closed doors. This also includes the case when you write to a man every day, and he answers you once a week.
What to do if the guy does not write to you and does not answer? If a man does not write for a week and does not respond to your messages, just leave him alone. We live in a free world where everyone has the right to do or not do what he wants. Of course, if this is your husband or you have a serious relationship with this person, you may have certain agreements. Only in this case he “should” answer you and explain himself.

But I beg you, before making a complaint to a person: “Here, you didn’t write to me”, “Here, you didn’t answer me”, or point out that he should write at least three times a day, ask yourself the question: “Did you agree on this?” Did you discuss in correspondence that you would communicate in this format? If not, and you accuse him of something, most likely, these are your personal claims.

What to do if a man does not write after a meeting?

If a guy stays silent and doesn’t text after the first date, then the worst thing you can do is just sit and wait. Judge for yourself: when you are idle, sitting and hoping for something, you are investing your time and energy in a picture that is not really there. There is still (or already) nothing between you at all, but you have drawn your own world, where there is love between you. You pump a lot of energy into your fantasies and hope that it comes true.


What happens if it doesn’t come true? Great disappointment and pain. So, I am against expectations and hopes. You must soberly assess the situation and understand who you are spending your energy on.
Does not write? Write to him first, say hello, ask how he is. Didn’t answer or answered dryly? Do not immediately ban him and write off. Just stop fantasizing and putting so much of your energy into hopes and expectations.


And how would you behave if a man disappeared somewhere for a long time and suddenly reappeared online? Just ask yourself the question: “Do I want to continue communicating with him?”

  • If he is pleasant to you, you would like to correspond with him, then do not sort things out. Just write: “Glad you’re back in touch! How are you?” — and continue communication.
  • If you are “burned out”, do not want to communicate, answer: “Thank you for writing to me, but my priorities have changed during this time and I am not ready to continue communication.”


In no case should you write: “Where did you disappear to?”, “Well, you finally remembered me” and other things. Yes, subconsciously you want him to repent, apologize, tell what a difficult period he had. But why?
There is no need to waste your own and others’ energy.

If a person does not write during the day, does it mean that he does not want to?


There is an opinion that if a man does not write, then he does not want and, in general, he does not need this woman. This is not entirely true. Often he does not get in touch, not because he does not like you, but because he is focused on the work process. And if you do not have enough of his attention during the day – this is a question for you, and not for a man.


This is a mistake many women make. Recently I analyzed it on Instagram and the girl complained: “Yaroslav, he sits at work all day. Is it difficult for him to text me? I call him, but he doesn’t answer. Is it difficult for him to communicate with me? You will not believe it, but yes, it is difficult for him. And not because he does not love a woman, does not appreciate her. He just works, and in order to answer a text message, he needs to get out of the process, switch, write her three words “I love you too”, and then get back to work.


You should not demand this from your husbands, from your men. And you should not draw conclusions about yourself that if they don’t write to you during work, it means that they fell out of love with you, a lover appeared, or something went wrong. If you have nothing to do during the working day, most likely this is your problem, which your man should not solve.


How do you know if you’re interested or playing?


In many ways, the attitude of people towards us depends on us. Understand, it is not a man who decides that he will only have sex with this woman, but you can marry this one. By her behavior, a woman herself creates a certain attitude towards herself. You can sit and endlessly analyze what is “wrong” with you if a man does not respond to your messages, or you can learn to create a decent attitude towards yourself.


Imagine the following situation: you corresponded for a long time and finally chose a day for a meeting. And here is a man going on a date. He doesn’t decide right away: “So, after the restaurant, we immediately go to my house and we will have sex!” Not! He thinks: “Let’s see, let’s talk, and then we’ll see.” You interact, and during communication, a man forms an attitude, intentions and desires to act (or not to act).

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